I am a "people pleaser" by nature. I need for everyone to be happy and to get along. In order for this to happen, I often apologize for things I haven't done just to stop the arguing. I often take blame for things I have no part in. Does everyone end up happy? Nope. Who is the most miserable? Yup, myself.
I've realized in the hopes of no drama, I've enabled a lot of people. Some people have gotten in the habit of saying they wanted with complete disregard to feelings because in the end I'll be the one apologizing. I've swallowed a lot of hateful hurtful words over the years. On the rare occasion, I decide to "fight back", then I'm told my "real colors are showing". Why is it okay for someone to be so negative towards me on occasion and the rare event when I speak up (often times true), I'm the one that has gone too far?
This was my scenario this morning. I left the house telling B to drive carefully and that I love him. I do and even in anger, I recognize that I do. He wanted no part of it and shooed me away without a second glance. I am in the right. I caught him in a lie and he won't admit to it. Instead he tries to manipulate me into making me think that I'm nosy and it is none of my business. He doesn't get the bigger picture. Even with all of that has happened between us and even though I know where I stand, I cannot help but want to reach out to him and tell him I'm sorry.
It's been about 4 hours and I will not cave.
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